We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
