Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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