did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
