I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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