Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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