i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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