I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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