I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
