The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
