if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
