got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
