I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
