I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
