I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
