glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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