okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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