you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
