well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize