Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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