I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
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