a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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