Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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