i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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