Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
