thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
