my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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