I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
