Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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