He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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