the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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