GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
