I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
