My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
