a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
