Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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