the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
