I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP