i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.