If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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