I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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