Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.