I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?