I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
