I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize