So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize