She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
