im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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