Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.