he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.