So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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