Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
