im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
