fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
