my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
