After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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