With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
