I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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