my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
