she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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