Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
