I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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