a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
