eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i came on her dog
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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