U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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