using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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