tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We need to rekindle our bromance
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
