dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
