Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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