Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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