I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
